i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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