I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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