This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
