that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
