is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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