She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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