You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
