I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
