I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize