I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
