census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
