did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So squirting runs in the family.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
