He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
