I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
