Her vagina should come with caution tape.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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