threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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