So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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