woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
