also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
