she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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