I love black thongs
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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