My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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