I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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