it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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