It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
