Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
