I don't usually arrange sex via text message
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
