I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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