Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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