Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
