Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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