Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
