That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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