so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm like, not good at living.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
