Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
