I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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