Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
