K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Randomize
