Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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