you guys were way drunker than both of me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
