Banned from zoo.
Again?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
