i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
