At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Randomize
