I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
