I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
