hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
