I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
