wakey wakey hands off snakey
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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