So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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