I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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