Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
