Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
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Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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