the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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