I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
