smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize