Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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