I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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