it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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