were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
