Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
